DUI: Drying Under the Influence

I decided to be productive this afternoon and get my laundry done. I was watching one of the shop's television sets which were blaring news about the horrible building collapse on 51st Street and 2nd Avenue when a man asked me how the dryer works. As I was showing him the fine art of inserting quarters and pushing buttons, I smell liquor on his breath. He seemed though to have himself together and was nice enough so I assumed he must have had just one or two brewskies. I was trying to figure out why this guy was doing his laundry when he was skunked--then I remembered it's a St. Patrick's Day drinking day and there's a small neighborhood old man bar two doors down from the laundromat. I think he went in there after he put his clothes in the washer, got hammered and then the dryer fun began. Going back to my TV viewing I turn in time to see Mr. Drunky with his hands in MY dryer pushing around MY clothes. Realizing this guy doesn't know what the hell he's doing, I patiently say, "Oh that's my stuff, yours is over here," as I walk him back to his dryers. I retrieve my bounced-away dryer ball but now I realize I have to pay attention to Drunky because he's still looking around for his dryers and he's attempting to be cool and hid that fact that he's stinking loaded by leaning on the folding tables. Except he's always too far away to lean and every time he attempts that move, he loses his balance and thinks he's going to fall only to be caught by the table. It would be funny to me but I'm just not into dealing with a drunkard today and would prefer to get my now cootie-ridden clothes and vamoose. Perhaps time seems faster when you're drunk but Drunky was now taking his clothing out of the dryer after only about four minutes. Mercifully my dryer stopped and I quickly folded my stuff and headed home. As I left I wondered if the clothes he took were actually his. I hope so or someone has a nasty surprise waiting for them.

My sister-in-law Christine came up with the idea for this post's headline. It was too good not to use. Thanks, Christine!