This Trader Won't Fool Anyone

The 14th Street block between Fifth and Sixth Avenues has a strange newcomer. A white and red sign above what used to be a filthy Gristede's supermarket (known also as "Gross Stede's" or simply, "Dirty Gristede's") heralds the impending opening of Trader John's, like its predecessor, also a supermarket. This wouldn't be all that noteworthy except that Trader John's is just two blocks from Trader Joe's, the grocery store that I love to shop in except I never can because it's too crowded and the end of the line is visible from the outside of the establishment. I'm sure this Trader John's is trying to cash in on Joe's famous name and maybe even trick the unsuspecting or confused into thinking it's an offshoot of the "real" Trader, or perhaps the real thing itself for the directionally-challenged. Whoever owns this impostor has got quite a big set of cohones. They can open up Blue Mango, Urban Infitters, or Guitar Square, too, and it would make no difference. Judging from the looks of John's, they have a long way to go before it's even usable. The interior of John's is a mess much like when Gristede's was actually open, and needs months of work which makes it even more mindboggling that the store's moniker is already displayed. In the interim I wouldn't be surprised if they'll be forced to change their name after Trader Joe's serves them some legal documents. Traderish John's has a nice ring to it, or maybe Rader John's, or better yet, "Closed." It will be interesting to see what happens in the coming months.

Crappy Programming Stays On In 2009

When I heard that Viacom was playing chicken with Time Warner Cable (TWC) regarding yanking its programming off the cable giant over fees, I was estatic. Unlike the SNY/TWC dispute of a few years ago, I could care less about any of Viacom's channels. Granted I am not in the demographic of MTV, VH1, Nickelodeon or Noggin, but most of Viacom's programming is garbage in my opinion. Granted I watch my share of crap too: I love "Nip/Tuck," much of the Adult Swim programming, any show on obese people on either Discovery Health or TLC, and also "South Park," which airs on Viacom's Comedy Central. However I cringe when I am exposed to such putrid shows as "My Super Sweet Sixteen," "Flavor of Love," "The Hills," any "Real World," "Celebrity Rehab" or "Rock of Love," among several hundred others. Brett Michaels apparently will now be riding around on a bus with his classy lady friends--gotta make sure to watch that. These programs have relaunched the "careers" of such marginally-talented and sad people as Brooke Hogan, Tawny Kitaen, Flavor Flav and Paris Hilton, and exploited such pathetic figures as Jeff Conaway, Brigette Nielsen and Gary Busey. I went to bed for the first time in 2009 looking forward to a Viacom-free television experience when I awakened, only to find out that 13 minutes before midnight that Viacom and TWC came to an agreement to keep the sludge on while they hammered out a deal. This was after Viacom had launched a campaign demonizing TWC by using a crying Dora the Explorer to show parents that they might actually have to pay attention to their kids instead of plopping them in front of a television set to watch SpongeBob, Blue and Franklin. Note to parents: there are DVDs, Hulu.com, and lots of other ways to watch the shows your kids are so fond of. Honestly if I could choose my own channels only Comedy Central would remain, but alas it is not an option. If I were a parent, Viacom would be the sole reason I'd actually use the parental control on my remote. My kids would never be allowed to watch MTV or VH1. Can anyone even name the other 17 Viacom channels without cheating? Nope, didn't think so. Even though this brief battle is over, TWC you have my support. Clear out these 19 stations and put test patterns on instead. It'd be an improvement.